Monday, February 24, 2014
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
In the Image of God
God said "Let us make man in our image and likeness to rule the fish in the sea, the birds of heaven, the cattle, all wild animals on earth, and all reptiles that crawl upon the earth." So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him, male and female. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase; fill the earth and subdue it." (Genesis 1:26-28)
In the opening chapter of the story of creation we read that God created humankind-both male and female- in his own image, and that he blesses them and commanded them to be fruitful and to care for the earth. Right from the start,God shows himself as the creator who "saw all that he had made, and it was very good." Here, right at the beginning of the Bible, God reveals his heart to us. Here we discover God's plan for our lives. Many, if not most, twentieth-century Christians dismiss the story of creation as a myth. Others insist that only the strictest, most literal interpretation of Genesis is valid. I simply have reverence for the word of the Bible as it stands. On the one hand, I would not think of arguing away anything in it; on the other,I believe scientists are right in cautioning that the biblical account of creation should not be taken too literally. As Peter says, "With the Lord, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day" (2Pet.3-8)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Every Person can be an instrument of God's Love
In the story of the creation of Adam and Eve it is clear that man and woman were created to help, to support,to compliment each other. What a joy it must have been for God to bring woman to man - and man to woman! Because we are all made in the image of God, in his likeness, we must all find each other in joy and love, whether we are married or not.
By bringing Eve to Adam, God shows all humans their true calling - to be helpers who reveal his love to the world. And by bringing us his son,Jesus, he shows us that he will never leave us lonely or without help. Jesus himself said, "I will not leave you orphaned; I will come to you." He promises us that "the one who has received my commandments and obeys them - he it is who loves me; and he who loves me will be loved by my Father; and I will love him and disclosed myself to him" (John 14:18-21).
Who can understand the depth of these words and the hope they bring to our troubled world? The loneliest, most discouraged, disillusioned people may be assured that God will never forsake them. Even if they are unable to find human friendship, they will never be alone as long as they hold on to God. God brought Adam and Eve together to heal their loneliness and to set them free from their one-sidedness, and he has the same plan for every man and woman he brings together in marriage.
Yet marriage in itself cannot bring wholeness. Unless we abide in Christ, we will bear no fruit. When we love him who alone is our support, our hope, and our life, we can be secure in knowing and loving one another, But if we isolate ourselves inwardly from Christ,nothing will go well. He alone holds everything together and gives us access to God and to others (Col.1:17-20).
By bringing Eve to Adam, God shows all humans their true calling - to be helpers who reveal his love to the world. And by bringing us his son,Jesus, he shows us that he will never leave us lonely or without help. Jesus himself said, "I will not leave you orphaned; I will come to you." He promises us that "the one who has received my commandments and obeys them - he it is who loves me; and he who loves me will be loved by my Father; and I will love him and disclosed myself to him" (John 14:18-21).
Who can understand the depth of these words and the hope they bring to our troubled world? The loneliest, most discouraged, disillusioned people may be assured that God will never forsake them. Even if they are unable to find human friendship, they will never be alone as long as they hold on to God. God brought Adam and Eve together to heal their loneliness and to set them free from their one-sidedness, and he has the same plan for every man and woman he brings together in marriage.
Yet marriage in itself cannot bring wholeness. Unless we abide in Christ, we will bear no fruit. When we love him who alone is our support, our hope, and our life, we can be secure in knowing and loving one another, But if we isolate ourselves inwardly from Christ,nothing will go well. He alone holds everything together and gives us access to God and to others (Col.1:17-20).
Thursday, August 9, 2012
God is the source and the object of true love
Marriage is not the highest goal of life. God's image is reflected most brightly and completely where there is love first for him and then for our brothers and sisters. In true Christian marriage, then the husband will lead his wife and children not to himself, but to God. In the same way, a wife will support her husband as a helper,and together they will lead their children to honour them as father and mother, and to love God as their creator. To be a helper to another on God's behalf is not just an obligation, but a gift. How different our relationships would be if we rediscoved this! We live in a time when fear and mistrust grip us everywhere we go. Where is love, the love that builds community and the church?
There are two kinds of love. One is turned selflessly toward others and their well-being. The other is possessive and limited to the ego. Augustine says, "Love is the self of the soul, the hand of the soul. When it holds one thing, it cannot hold something else. If it is to hold what one gives it, it has to put down what it is holding." God's love desires nothing. It gives and sacrifices itself, for this is its joy.
Love always has its roots in God. May God grant that the power of his love grips anew. It will lead us to others, to share our lives with them. More than that, it will lead us to the kingdom. Love is the secret of God's coming kingdom.
There are two kinds of love. One is turned selflessly toward others and their well-being. The other is possessive and limited to the ego. Augustine says, "Love is the self of the soul, the hand of the soul. When it holds one thing, it cannot hold something else. If it is to hold what one gives it, it has to put down what it is holding." God's love desires nothing. It gives and sacrifices itself, for this is its joy.
Love always has its roots in God. May God grant that the power of his love grips anew. It will lead us to others, to share our lives with them. More than that, it will lead us to the kingdom. Love is the secret of God's coming kingdom.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
UNDERSTANDING PSYCHO MEDICAL CHALLENGES IN MARRIAGE
For the past two decades swift, sweeping, scientific, cultural, technological changes and globalization have impacted the family and rendered it vulnerable. The current state of decline in society can largely be traced to the lack of importance attached to the well-being of humanity. But attacks both subtle and overt have led to the increasing breakdown of marriage and family. Hence we see families faced with various pressures and challenges that render the family dysfunction and prevent the growth of family life and strengthening of the spousal bond. My task through this presentation is to place before you the source of psycho- medical challenges, the signs of these challenges and the possible strategies so that this awareness may empower couples strengthen the spousal bond and doing so, build family which is the sanctuary of life, love and communion.
the psycho- medical challenges that prevent intimacy and life-giving relationships could be broadly classified as Internal factors within the spousal bond and External factors beyond the spousal bond.
INTERNAL FACTORS- INTRAPERSONAL
FAMILY OF ORIGIN : Our family of origin has great impact on our identity and communication. The unique person that I am has its roots in the family of origin because we wrote our life scripts there. These scripts depended on how we were loved, accepted, understood and affirmed by our caregivers. We also learnt patterns of communication in our family. that is precisely why family is the first school of relationships. the family of origin impacts our ability to love, to communicate and to contribute to the spousal relationship
SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION : Sexual dysfunction is defined as difficulty during any stage of the process of sexual intercourse,. It has to do either with Inhibited sexual desire, Inhibited Sexual arousal, Inhibited orgasm and painful sexual intercourse, which prevents the spouses from enjoying Sexual or physical intimacy.
Inhibited Sexual Desire also referred to as libido is a crisis that arises from physical or psychological factors. It presents a lack or absence of interest in sexual activity. Contributing factors include non- acceptance of sexuality as a gift, anxiety, job related stress, financial loans, unresolved spousal conflicts and self image issues. Inhibited sexual desire could result through the use of medication. the common side effect of combined oral contraceptives and the use of anti- depressants, hypertensive drugs and mood stabilizers have shown a decrease in sexual desire. Depression also has a profound effect on sexual intimacy. 75% of those with depression cause sexual dysfunction.
Inhibited Sexual Arousal is understood as the failure to achieve erection despite strong sexual desire. Erectile dysfunction is a common sign and manifests in the male as failure to achieve and maintain an erection long enough to facilitate penetration . Erectile dysfunction is often associated with Vascular disease and Diabetes Mellitus. Performance anxiety may result in inhibited sexual arousal. Premature Ejaculation features within this and is responsible for great spousal stress since the basic need of sexual intimacy is not met. Inhibited orgasm hinders sexual arousal and is often brought about by fear, embarrassment, untreated anger, stress, traumatic sexual experiences of the past as in child sexual abuse, social conditioning (Sex is for procreation only) and deeply entrenched taboos (sex is dirty). Painful sexual intercourse is seen in women in the form of Vaginimus and dysparunia both of which should be understood and treated.
SYMPTOMS
In ability to feel aroused and lack of interest. Relational / psychological problems / hormonal problems.
MEN WOMEN
1 . Delay / absence of ejaculation despite 1. Burning or pain in vulva / vagina
despite stimulation
2. Inability to have an erection 2. Inability to reach orgasm.
3. In ability to control timing of ejaculation 3. Inability to relax vaginal muscles
4 Inability to sustain erection adequately for for intercourse
intercourse. 4. Inadequate vaginal lubrication.
TREATMENT :
Accurate Understanding of Sexuality as a quality of personality. A Holistic approach to Intimacy as a process
Call you doctor if symptoms persist
Medication to treat root cause
Hormonal replacement in therapy (deficiency )
Behavioral therapy
Couple therapy- inter-persona issues / conflicts
Psycho-therapy to address anxiety fear and inhibitions.a- personal
Intra-personal factors.........Psycho- medical challenges.....infertility and diseases.
Physical deficiency in form of disease , accidents , metabolic disorders , hormonal deficiencies ,birth defects (Klinefelter syndrome , Cryptoorchidism ) absence of organs , pelvic inflammatory disease ectopic pregnancy all contribute to infertility and are a major source of stress in the life of the spouses.
Mental health disorders such as depression, Anxiety disorders, Adjustment disorders , Post-traumatic stress disorders Obsessive compulsive disorders , Paranoia , Bipolar personality disorders incapacitate the individuals and prevent them from entering fully and responding to the demands of an adult relationship .
the psycho- medical challenges that prevent intimacy and life-giving relationships could be broadly classified as Internal factors within the spousal bond and External factors beyond the spousal bond.
INTERNAL FACTORS- INTRAPERSONAL
FAMILY OF ORIGIN : Our family of origin has great impact on our identity and communication. The unique person that I am has its roots in the family of origin because we wrote our life scripts there. These scripts depended on how we were loved, accepted, understood and affirmed by our caregivers. We also learnt patterns of communication in our family. that is precisely why family is the first school of relationships. the family of origin impacts our ability to love, to communicate and to contribute to the spousal relationship
SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION : Sexual dysfunction is defined as difficulty during any stage of the process of sexual intercourse,. It has to do either with Inhibited sexual desire, Inhibited Sexual arousal, Inhibited orgasm and painful sexual intercourse, which prevents the spouses from enjoying Sexual or physical intimacy.
Inhibited Sexual Desire also referred to as libido is a crisis that arises from physical or psychological factors. It presents a lack or absence of interest in sexual activity. Contributing factors include non- acceptance of sexuality as a gift, anxiety, job related stress, financial loans, unresolved spousal conflicts and self image issues. Inhibited sexual desire could result through the use of medication. the common side effect of combined oral contraceptives and the use of anti- depressants, hypertensive drugs and mood stabilizers have shown a decrease in sexual desire. Depression also has a profound effect on sexual intimacy. 75% of those with depression cause sexual dysfunction.
Inhibited Sexual Arousal is understood as the failure to achieve erection despite strong sexual desire. Erectile dysfunction is a common sign and manifests in the male as failure to achieve and maintain an erection long enough to facilitate penetration . Erectile dysfunction is often associated with Vascular disease and Diabetes Mellitus. Performance anxiety may result in inhibited sexual arousal. Premature Ejaculation features within this and is responsible for great spousal stress since the basic need of sexual intimacy is not met. Inhibited orgasm hinders sexual arousal and is often brought about by fear, embarrassment, untreated anger, stress, traumatic sexual experiences of the past as in child sexual abuse, social conditioning (Sex is for procreation only) and deeply entrenched taboos (sex is dirty). Painful sexual intercourse is seen in women in the form of Vaginimus and dysparunia both of which should be understood and treated.
SYMPTOMS
In ability to feel aroused and lack of interest. Relational / psychological problems / hormonal problems.
MEN WOMEN
1 . Delay / absence of ejaculation despite 1. Burning or pain in vulva / vagina
despite stimulation
2. Inability to have an erection 2. Inability to reach orgasm.
3. In ability to control timing of ejaculation 3. Inability to relax vaginal muscles
4 Inability to sustain erection adequately for for intercourse
intercourse. 4. Inadequate vaginal lubrication.
TREATMENT :
Accurate Understanding of Sexuality as a quality of personality. A Holistic approach to Intimacy as a process
Call you doctor if symptoms persist
Medication to treat root cause
Hormonal replacement in therapy (deficiency )
Behavioral therapy
Couple therapy- inter-persona issues / conflicts
Psycho-therapy to address anxiety fear and inhibitions.a- personal
Intra-personal factors.........Psycho- medical challenges.....infertility and diseases.
Physical deficiency in form of disease , accidents , metabolic disorders , hormonal deficiencies ,birth defects (Klinefelter syndrome , Cryptoorchidism ) absence of organs , pelvic inflammatory disease ectopic pregnancy all contribute to infertility and are a major source of stress in the life of the spouses.
Mental health disorders such as depression, Anxiety disorders, Adjustment disorders , Post-traumatic stress disorders Obsessive compulsive disorders , Paranoia , Bipolar personality disorders incapacitate the individuals and prevent them from entering fully and responding to the demands of an adult relationship .
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Interpersonal Challenges
The family system needs a marriage. A marriage can work if partners work together, fulfill each other's "needs and create a climate in which both can grow. Marriage therapist believe that spouses can eliminate stress if they confront and communicate their need to the other.
Common areas of conflict in spousal relationship:
Differences : Marriage brings together two people with varying backgrounds , personalities, desires, views and priorities in the most intimate relationship possible for the rest of their life. when they live together these differences do not go away...in fact they come alive. How the couple understands or deals with these differences either builds or destroys the relationship.
Communication : The patterns of communication learnt in the family of origin effects the quality of spousal communication. It is important that both spouses learn to use patterns that aid communication. and abandon those that are hazardous or destructive.
Time together : Time management may be defined as the art of planning your time to fulfill your goals. Regardless of what your priorities are you need time together when you can physically and emotionally be available to each other. This will build both verbal as well as non-verbal communication . Time together facilities communication and commitment to the relationship. Spouses who fit in daily or weekly rituals find it easier to live out their marriage in life - giving way as well as contribute the well being of their family.
Finance : Money is a major contributory factor to couple discord . A dispute over money is symptomatic of deeper emotional problems or it could be seen as a means of control . The most important value is that spouses talk about themselves in relationship to money. Their relationship is important If possessions gain far more importance they will probably lose sight of love and intimacy along the way. Big financial secrets ruin the marriage for it violates trust..
Expectations : Marriage is an opportunity to share life with another. This is truly one of life's greatest gift. What really damages that gift are our high expectations. The higher your expectation the more difficult your interaction with each other will be.
Resolving Conflicts : To presume that partners will go through life without disagreement or arguments is idealistic, even naive. Be careful not to make the disagreement into a contest where one wins and the other loses. Let the relationship be the winner.
Common areas of conflict in spousal relationship:
Differences : Marriage brings together two people with varying backgrounds , personalities, desires, views and priorities in the most intimate relationship possible for the rest of their life. when they live together these differences do not go away...in fact they come alive. How the couple understands or deals with these differences either builds or destroys the relationship.
Communication : The patterns of communication learnt in the family of origin effects the quality of spousal communication. It is important that both spouses learn to use patterns that aid communication. and abandon those that are hazardous or destructive.
Time together : Time management may be defined as the art of planning your time to fulfill your goals. Regardless of what your priorities are you need time together when you can physically and emotionally be available to each other. This will build both verbal as well as non-verbal communication . Time together facilities communication and commitment to the relationship. Spouses who fit in daily or weekly rituals find it easier to live out their marriage in life - giving way as well as contribute the well being of their family.
Finance : Money is a major contributory factor to couple discord . A dispute over money is symptomatic of deeper emotional problems or it could be seen as a means of control . The most important value is that spouses talk about themselves in relationship to money. Their relationship is important If possessions gain far more importance they will probably lose sight of love and intimacy along the way. Big financial secrets ruin the marriage for it violates trust..
Expectations : Marriage is an opportunity to share life with another. This is truly one of life's greatest gift. What really damages that gift are our high expectations. The higher your expectation the more difficult your interaction with each other will be.
Resolving Conflicts : To presume that partners will go through life without disagreement or arguments is idealistic, even naive. Be careful not to make the disagreement into a contest where one wins and the other loses. Let the relationship be the winner.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
EXTERNAL FACTORS:
The economy of Migration:
In the light of the economic situation spouse/ parents leave families behind to look for jobs that offer greater compensation but at the price of stability of their spousal bond, the proper maturation of their children who are deprived of the guidance and love of their parents at the most impressionable years of their life.
Mass Media:
Most programs in the mass media are engineered to change our attitude towards relationships and sexuality. They are designed to break down sexual inhibitions, invalidate traditional values, destroys parental and family trust and have for reaching consequences changing the mind, morals and motivation of an entire generation.
Technology :
We live in an age where speed is the essence of life. We have no time to listen, to dialogue, to reflect. We have lost the ability to be still.Speed has and is destroying relationships, marriages and families because we want immediate results/ happiness/ solutions/ peace/understanding/ compatibility. Technology has recreated the way we live and subsequently the need to always use things and people for our own convenience.
Challenges at the work place:
The family today is under pressure with working and children away from the university. The Family has little time for togetherness and bonding rituals. But perhaps the greater challenge is at the workplace, with changing work culture that demands more time and dedication. We are moving into a generation where our colleagues and work performance, social status and career opportunities are prioritized over spouse and family. This threatens the spousal bond. If spouses do not set boundaries for themselves it is not difficult to have significant others at the workplaces, who meet your emotional needs. Infidelity is the end result held with the value of relativism.Often the role of being a good provider takes precedence over being a faithful spouse or loving parent.
Influence of extended Family:
Marriage is a significant decision in the life of adult which triggers a re-orientation in the list of one's priorities. It is a process of adjustment as well" Adjustment implies that all things/ persons will fade in importance when compared with the welfare or well being of one's spouse/ marriage commitment. The spouse be the first priority. Only then can one enter fully, freely faithfully and fruitfully in to relationship.
Dealings with Psycho- medical challenges calls for:
Awareness: To foster awareness of the internal/ external/family of origin stressors that exist.
Acceptance: Dysfunction can be worked on with great success. Spouses accept their own area of dysfunction
Action : Commit to make the spousal band a priority.
: Identify and work through Stressors (internal and external)
: Build the spousal relationship through communication and couple prayer.
Sustain the spousal bond through Rituals and connect.
Family prayer/ Family Catechesis
In the light of the economic situation spouse/ parents leave families behind to look for jobs that offer greater compensation but at the price of stability of their spousal bond, the proper maturation of their children who are deprived of the guidance and love of their parents at the most impressionable years of their life.
Mass Media:
Most programs in the mass media are engineered to change our attitude towards relationships and sexuality. They are designed to break down sexual inhibitions, invalidate traditional values, destroys parental and family trust and have for reaching consequences changing the mind, morals and motivation of an entire generation.
Technology :
We live in an age where speed is the essence of life. We have no time to listen, to dialogue, to reflect. We have lost the ability to be still.Speed has and is destroying relationships, marriages and families because we want immediate results/ happiness/ solutions/ peace/understanding/ compatibility. Technology has recreated the way we live and subsequently the need to always use things and people for our own convenience.
Challenges at the work place:
The family today is under pressure with working and children away from the university. The Family has little time for togetherness and bonding rituals. But perhaps the greater challenge is at the workplace, with changing work culture that demands more time and dedication. We are moving into a generation where our colleagues and work performance, social status and career opportunities are prioritized over spouse and family. This threatens the spousal bond. If spouses do not set boundaries for themselves it is not difficult to have significant others at the workplaces, who meet your emotional needs. Infidelity is the end result held with the value of relativism.Often the role of being a good provider takes precedence over being a faithful spouse or loving parent.
Influence of extended Family:
Marriage is a significant decision in the life of adult which triggers a re-orientation in the list of one's priorities. It is a process of adjustment as well" Adjustment implies that all things/ persons will fade in importance when compared with the welfare or well being of one's spouse/ marriage commitment. The spouse be the first priority. Only then can one enter fully, freely faithfully and fruitfully in to relationship.
Dealings with Psycho- medical challenges calls for:
Awareness: To foster awareness of the internal/ external/family of origin stressors that exist.
Acceptance: Dysfunction can be worked on with great success. Spouses accept their own area of dysfunction
Action : Commit to make the spousal band a priority.
: Identify and work through Stressors (internal and external)
: Build the spousal relationship through communication and couple prayer.
Sustain the spousal bond through Rituals and connect.
Family prayer/ Family Catechesis
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